Thursday, May 20, 2010

Heavy Heart

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I wanted to post about all the things I am so grateful for, and all that I have learned this last year. But the truth is, my heart is heavy.

One year ago today I stood in the deli section of our grocery store and listened as a Dr. told me over the phone that my son needed to be seen by a pediatric oncologist. Purely precautionary, he said.

One year ago today, my family walked away from our grocery filled shopping cart, and walked into what has forever changed our familial landscape as we knew it….

And so these last few weeks have been flooded with the raw memories of all that we have been through this last year. I have found myself crying, on more than one occasion.

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This morning while watching Ezra play, I found me eyes welling with tears. He came and sat on my lap and asked, Mama crying? I told him yes, but Mama is happy. And then he caught my tears in his chubby palms as they fell down my face. Got it! he exclaimed as he caught a fresh tear and giggled.

365 calendar days may have passed in this epic story, but not a thing has changed about my sweet boy. He is still the same lighthearted, boisterous, sweet old soul that he has always been.

While I would like to say Ezra’s cancer hasn’t changed me either, it has and in ways I never thought possible.

I treasure every day a little more.

I listen to my intuition.

I believe in myself.

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I can’t wait until we are on the other side of this story, when leukemia is a part of our past. When Ezra is a grown man with a son of his own. I can’t wait to tell his children what an amazing person he is, and always has been…..

Keep fighting the good fight, sweet boy.

And know that Mama will never stop fighting for you.

You boys are my everything.

I love you.

17 comments:

  1. He looks great! Crying is good and OK! Your amazing and keep fighting little man. Hugs from us in NY!

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  2. You have given me goosebumps. This is a beautiful post and Ezra is truly inspirational!

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  3. Millions of hugs for you! This is a sweet post filled with love and emotion. Thank you for sharing. And yes, Ezra, keep fighting little guy! What an amazing boy!

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  4. I can understand why you feel that way, I bet it has been playing over and over again.Hugs to you.
    That is a beautiful photo of Ezra. X

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  5. I do not know Ezra, nor do I know you, but I think of you and your family EVERY DAY, accompanied with a prayer and sometimes, like today, I cry with you.

    God bless you.

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  6. Best wishes!!!

    That's all and everything.

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  7. He is amazing! I have a hard time reading and not sobbing. I miss my friend - I wish we lived closer to one another so I could be more supportive.

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  8. I can't even imagine! (((Hugs))) Ezra is a beautiful boy!

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  9. This is my first time visiting here, the story just touched my heart deeply and I've scrolled down reading your previous posts. There is something so very special about your son and I pray that he will be healed and over come this ugly monster we call cancer! Much love and prayers your way ~Sofi

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  10. This is my first time visiting here, the story just touched my heart deeply and I've scrolled down reading your previous posts. There is something so very special about your son and I pray that he will be healed and over come this ugly monster we call cancer! Much love and prayers your way ~Sofi

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